Never Again

I find myself writing this after our darling daughter has retired for the night, and I felt compelled to share this one thought: 

Never again will I take my husband for granted. 

This isn’t one of those smarmy, sweet, sugar-coated diatribes that serves to pay homage to my other half.

This shit is sincere. 

I have been solo parenting for a grand total of perhaps 36 hours give or take, and it’s long enough to know one thing:

I am not the better parent. Hell, I’m barely the average parent. I lack patience. I lack creativity. I lack any real motivation to do all those ridiculously fun things that sound so great when we are together as a nuclear family.

I don’t even like to cook. Case in point: tonight’s toddler feast consisted of sharp cheddar string cheese, avocado, and a mandarin orange. Thankfully, Julia isn’t a food critic. 

When your husband leaves to enjoy a solo weekend back at his alma mater, and you wake up to a room reeking of the smell of the prior night’s ill-advised chili dinner and the sight of diaper contents randomly placed all over the crib sheet while your darling daughter wails, you know it’s starting out rough. And my diaper-changing partner is gone. 

I love my husband. I love the mere presence of him. He grounds me. He makes me a better mom. He makes me laugh. He gives me so many reasons to smile. He makes me realize how big the void is when he’s not here. But, most of all…

…he cooks. And he does it well. Even Julia would agree. 

But, in all seriousness, I find myself feeling so grateful and somewhat spoiled that my husband is such a presence in my life, that even when he leaves for 48 hours, I feel disconnected, sad, lonely, and longing for his return. 

It also reminds me of those who don’t have a partner whether by choice or by circumstance. My hat’s off to you peeps. I truly cannot imagine this life without my silly, crazy, handsome, handy, funny, and at times, aggravating husband. He’s the glue. My heart aches for you parents who are doing the job of two without the other’s presence. Consider this shout-out a big virtual hug. 

So, tonight, I sit quietly while our daughter sleeps upstairs, knowing that tomorrow we will welcome daddy home. And I will tell him to his handsome face just how appreciated he is. 

That is, if I can get to him first. 

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