Once again, a month has gone by with nary an update. Shit. I always aim to do better.
I have been in my new nursing job for about a month now, and I can unequivocally say one thing: I love it. I have definitely found my home in nursing. I was built for this. When nurses wax nostalgic and yearn for a place to call their own, this is what it means to me. Give me all the brand new mamas and babies. All of them.
Of course, part of the process of starting a new job is getting over the new-kid-on-the-block feeling, but I can honestly say that it’s been an easy transition. I have another month of orientation on night shift (thank goodness), and I am actually looking forward to getting out on my own.
In other news, we lost our first babysitter. Well, let me clarify: we didn’t lose her. She quit.
After what seemed like a great start and a reassuring beginning, we were abruptly told via TEXT MESSAGE by our caregiver that it just wasn’t going to work. Our daughter was described as a ‘sweet girl’, but after two and a half short days, she required too much attention and holding.
What the actual fuck?
I have kept my anger in check, and I have taken the high road on this topic since it occurred, but you know what? This is my blog and my safe place. I think this whole thing reeks of something, but it’s not our daughter being too clingy or attached. We may never know what led to the abrupt decision to sever ties, but honestly? I don’t give a shit anymore. I have my suspicions as an outspoken, unforgiving atheist and bleeding heart liberal, but I’ll just be satisfied that we may never know the true reason.
I think the worst part of it all wasn’t being told that our daughter wasn’t perfect, but that someone we entrusted to her care gave us countless reassurances that all was well, that this was a process, and that an adjustment would likely take time. Apparently, all of that was promptly forgotten. It’s hard enough as a parent to take the leap of faith required to let go and let someone outside of your family circle care for your child, but when that trust is pulled out from underneath you like a cheap tablecloth trick, you’re left feeling beyond disappointed.
Honestly, at this point I am happy. I am happy that our daughter didn’t stay somewhere that wasn’t a good fit. We have since found a place that meets all of our needs, most importantly our daughter’s.
I am rapidly approaching the 47th anniversary of my debut on the planet, and while I realize that number is edging closer and closer to 50, I find myself eerily calm. Whatever. Life is a journey, and as hard as we try, we can’t slow down the bus. I always say that my children keep me feeling young, but at this point, that might be a bit of a white lie. And it’s ok to sometimes FEEL my age.
And just when you think you have it all figured out, you decide to throw one more thing on the pile.
I’m heading back to school.
I’ll be officially starting my RN to MSN degree on September 14th. It will be a three and a half year journey, but hey, what’s the rush? I’ve got nothing but time anyway. After all the thoughts that I’d likely never return to school, I remember something I always say: never say never.
So with that, I’m off to read a book. For pleasure.