The ‘Go’ Bag



32 weeks pregnant today, and I’m celebrating by packing my ‘go’ bag.

Contents include:

-5 hypoallergenic, organic pillows, custom-made for my head.

-1500-thread count sheets (made from organic cotton, of course).

-a small crock pot to hold the organic olive oil for my perineal massage.

-a personalized handmade hospital gown custom made specifically for me and my delivery.

-a militant, defiant doula (only the best will do).

-my birthing ball.

-a Boppy pillow.

-my own personal lactation consultant.

-a flip chart to monitor my own labor progress and use to contradict my doctor at every turn.

-my attorney.

-10 copies of my extensive birth plan.

-aromatherapy candles.

-a shaman to ward off evil spirits.

-a CD of specific labor mantras.

-my own personal chef and hand-picked recipes.

-and a partridge in a goddamn pear tree. (cage-free, of course)


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